Upcoming 40 Hour Mediation Training St. Louis

Want to expand your practice and income? Become a divorce mediator.  With this 40 hour training (added to your Master's Degree in mental health or Juris Doctorate) you could become a court-approved mediator, earning $200+/hour to assist divorcing families resolve custody issues.  Since the Illinois Supreme Court has mandated mediation for divorcing couples who cannot agree on a custody plan, the demand for mediators has skyrocketed. This course is designed to provide participants with a clear understanding of the role of mediator as it differs from that of legal advocate, judge and counselor. The five day training will include videotaped demonstrations, lectures and discussions as well as role-play and coaching. We will discuss alternative dispute resolution strategies, domestic violence issues, financial and custody matters, and family dynamics. Participants will receive a detailed course manual.  This training is approved for 40 hours of CLE/CEU credits. Completion of the 40-Hour (5-day) course meets the requirements of Illinois Supreme Court Rule 99 and Missouri Supreme Court Rule 88 to be a court-approved mediator(local requirements may vary).   Hope to see you there,     Marta J. Papa   "The Divorce Whisperer™" & President of Marta Papa PC Training Details WHEN:  April 3, 2013        8:30 a.m. - 5:30 p.m.                          __                April 7, 2013        8:30 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. WHERE:  The Seven Gables Inn  26 N Meramec  Saint Louis MO 63105  Ph: 1-314-863-8400 COST:   $1500         (IL Attorneys +$40) To register,  call 314-862-0202 Testimonials "Marta Papa demonstrated an enthusiasm and excitement for the subject matter that was not only instructive but contagious.  The materials were comprehensive and practical - a combination not often seen at CLE courses.  Ms. Papa is a natural teacher.  She motivated with optimism and positive criticisms.  Her high-energy style moved the course forward and made us want to learn more about the subject." "Marta always allowed questions to be asked.  She maintained a steady pace.  She not only lectured, but also gave out very helpful reading materials, videos, and reference materials (example parenting plans).  Very knowledgeable and willing to help!"   "Marta is an excellent teacher and mediator!  Her resources are wonderful and her shared experience as a mediator was extremely beneficial.  Great job!"

Register online here

View the event page here

Short + Long-Term Goals to Set When Leaving Your Spouse

YOU’VE DECIDED TO LEAVE.  SO WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?

•      SHORT TERM GOALS

1)         START SAVING MONEY.

2)         START KEEPING A JOURNAL OF ANY MARITAL MISCONDUCT WITH DATES AND TIMES.

3)         OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT IN YOUR NAME, ONLY.

4)         ESTABLISH CREDIT IN YOUR OWN NAME, IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY.

5)         FIND AND MAKE COPIES OF ALL IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS, INCLUDING THE LAST 3 YEARS OF TAX RETURNS.

6)         TO GET DIRECTION, MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH AN ATTORNEY FOR INFORMATION AND EVALUATION ON YOU SPECIFIC CASE.  BRING ANY DOCUMENTS YOU HAVE.

7)         INVESTIGATE ALL YOUR ASSETS, DETERMINE THEIR VALUE, AND CONSIDER WHETHER YOUR SPOUSE MAY HAVE ANY HIDDEN ASSETS.

8)         EVALUATE WHERE YOU WILL LIVE.  IF YOU WILL BE MOVING, CHECK OUT THE HOUSING MARKET AND RENTALS TO DETERMINE COST OF LIVING.

9)         ARRANGE FOR THE CAR TO BE IN TOP WORKING ORDER.

10)       SCHEDULE YOUR DENTAL WORK AND MEDICAL CHECKUPS BEFORE LEAVING, FOR BOTH YOU AND THE CHILDREN.

11)       MAKE CERTAIN YOU HAVE AN ADEQUATE WARDROBE FOR WORK.

•       LONG TERM GOALS:

       CREATING A FINANCIAL PICTURE OF YOUR FUTURE.

1)         EVALUATE YOUR PRESENT FINANCIAL CONDITION AND JOB SITUATION.

2)         DRAW UP A MOCK BUDGET OF WHAT IT WILL COST YOU TO LIVE SEPARATELY.

3)         WITH INPUT FROM AN ATTORNEY, FIGURE OUT APPROXIMATE INCOME AND EXPENSE TO DETERMINE SPOUSAL SUPPORT AND CHILD SUPPORT.

4)         CALCULATE YOUR SEPARATE INCOME.

5)         SET GOALS FOR YOU CAREER FUTURE, AND START TAKING STEPS TOWARD THAT END.

NASW 2013 Show-Me Symposium

On March 16th, Pam Huggins and I will be speaking at the NASW 2013 Show-Me Annual Symposium in Lake Ozark, MO.  Here's a description of our session:

(4B) Mediate Because Families Are Fragile

(1.5 clock hours)

Pamela J. Huggins, MSW, ACSW, LCSW, Saint Louis University, St. Louis, MO Mediation as a method for divorcing couples can actually strengthen families. Through mediation sessions, couples can work out how they will co-parent and communicate with each other in the future. In this session, Ms. Papa, will describe the essence of divorce mediation and relate many examples from her years as a mediator, divorce attorney, and national mediation trainer. Ms. Huggins will elaborate on her beginning work in mediation and how social work skills are key to being an effective mediator.

Click here for more information and to download a registration form for this year's Symposium.  Hope to see you in March!  

ICA Annual Conference 2012, Springfield, IL

Hello friends!  I'm excited to be speaking at the ICA Annual Conference in Springfield! If you're planning on attending the conference, please join me for a workshop: The 'ABCs' of Resolving Relational Conflict, November 9th from 10:30 a.m. - 11:20 a.m..  We will look at Interest-Based Negotiation techniques and why they are helpful in successfully resolving couples' conflicts.  I'll also talk about Dr. Gottman's Four Horsemen model, and how to use his findings to teach your clients respectful ways to communicate.  Even if you can't salvage the marriage, the techniques learned in this workshop can be used in Divorce Mediation to help couples come to agreements and to teach them ways to co-parent that will be infinitely useful to them post-divorce.  

Be sure to also come by the Divorce Whisperer® booth for information on Divorce Mediation, and upcoming Mediation trainings.  I'd love to make your acquaintance and answer any questions you may have about the Mediation process and its benefits.    

Can't wait for the conference to begin!  Hope to see you there! 

- Marta

Conflict Resolution Day

October is here, and the leaves are changing, taking on beautiful autumn hues.  October is also Conflict Resolution Month, when we are encouraged to take a step back and look at any changes that might be necessary for our lives to also be beautiful.  We need time each year to evaluate the results of the decisions we have made earlier in the year and whether we are on the right track for the future.  This requires reviewing our goals and making sure we are taking steps to meet our top priorities.  It just so happens that many of my divorce mediation clients are at exactly the same place in the mediation process, reviewing their past in order to make choices that create a different future.  Taking steps to resolve conflict in our lives seems to be at the center of our decisions, right now.  When asked to focus on what is really important, most of my clients agree that it is "relationships".  Relationships with spouses, children, family, neighbors, our entire community.  

I just finished a mediation consult with a couple who proudly informed me that the had acquired millions of dollars worth of property throughout their long marriage and wondered if they would have much conflict dividing it all.  I reminded them that mediation is the best way to "divide it all".  But it wasn't until I mentioned their ability to get along affecting whether or not they could both visit their grandchildren at the same time that tears welled up in both client's eyes.  Clearly, what was most important to them was their ability to maintain a relationship with their children and grandchildren.  Thoughts of the upcoming holidays made them quickly realize that ownership of the commercial real estate was not the most important thing.  Rather, coming together with their family and not being excluded on Thanksgiving and Christmas was what was truly important.  I see "relationships" trump "things" all the time.  

Knowing how to resolve conflicts in relationships is one of the most important skills you can learn, even if you don't learn it until you are getting divorced.  Thank goodness there is a process that can help us learn to resolve conflict in a way that allows us to preserve and enjoy relationships with each other.

-MJP

When “Marriage Counseling” Turns into “Divorce Counseling”

It’s no secret that not all couples undergoing marriage counseling are successful.  Sometimes divorce is inevitable.  However, when a mental health professional sees that “marriage counseling” is turning into “divorce counseling,” they do not have to end their relationship with the couple and send them off to divorce attorneys.  The counselor is a wonderful resource who can provide continuity of treatment while the couple goes through the legal process of divorce.  This concept is called “Team Mediation,” and professionals in the St. Louis area have begun using this process with great success.

Team Mediation can begin in the mental health professional’s office.  Once the mental health expert has identified that divorce is indeed unavoidable, he or she can recommend that the couple hire a “team” to help them through the divorce process.  This team consists of a mental health professional, an attorney/mediator and a certified financial planner.

The couple meets with the attorney/mediator to devise a plan for living apart and to draft the required legal documents.  The attorney, in the role of mediator, uses mediation skills to help the couple settle their divorce issues in a cooperative manner.  The desired result is to reach an agreement without having to go to court.

Obviously, the certified financial planner is extremely important in helping the couple obtain a clear picture of their financial situation, which in turn, sets up parameters for discussion about maintenance, child support and the future cash flow needs of the parties.  The certified financial planner can also undertake the difficult job of valuing retirement accounts and pensions along with determining the true value of the parties’ assets.  Additionally, this expert can calculate the tax consequences of the parties’ decisions and help ensure that the division of property and debt is still equitable after paying the required taxes.

The mental health professional who has already developed a trusting and honest relationship with the couple is the best professional to help them deal with the stages of grief which often accompany divorce.  Moreover, a seasoned mental health professional can help clients create a specific plan for the future without letting the couple fall back into old marital issues which might interfere with healthy, future-focused decision-making.  If children are involved, this professional’s knowledge regarding the developmental needs of children can be extremely valuable in devising appropriate custody and visitation schedules.  Anytime the couple hits a stumbling block during the negotiations, they can return to the mental health professional for additional counseling and problem-solving techniques.

The “Team Mediation” approach ensures that the couple is able to negotiate a divorce settlement which is not only fair and reasonable, but which also takes into account the emotional, legal and financial realities for each of them.  Working together, the mental health professional, the attorney/mediator and the certified financial planner ensure that the couple is guided through the divorce process with as much information and support as possible.  Traveling through the divorce process in a cooperative manner negates the need for two attorneys to battle it out in court, thereby reducing the costs of divorce considerably.  Couples undergoing marriage counseling who have decided that it is time to divorce would benefit greatly from using the “Team Mediation” approach.

-MJP